Walking In The Rain

I want to walk in the rain,
So no one can see my tears.
I can walk and cry, and cry and walk,
And none will demand to know my fears.

As I walk the tears fall,
The drops as numerous as the rain.
They run over my nose and cheeks
As an expression of my pain.

And then the rain just stopped,
It went as suddenly as it came.
Left with red and bloodshot eyes,
I go back to being emotionally lame.

You Say...

You say you knew something was wrong,
Does being correct help you sleep at night?
You say you knew he wasnt such a nice guy,
So why did you run, when you could've stayed to fight?
You say you knew something wasnt right,
Does that make your silence seem okay?
You say you knew freakish stuff was happening,
So do you feel fine with just staying out of the way?
You say that God can heal all my wounds,
But what do I do with them until then?
You say that it's all going to be alright,
I'm not so sure, and the pain is expressed through my pen.


Over the last few weeks, i have had a few people come up to me and say that they knew some freakish stuff was going on up at Broadwater. The way it was said to me, was as though they thought that telling me that they knew would somehow make up for them not doing anything to protect me or help me.
So basically, this is my complaint about all of that, and trying to figure out how i am thinking atm.

What to do...?

I was talking to one of the girls from Mercy Ministries last week, and she said i should consider telling the police bout what happened with Michael and all that. I am soooo scared! I am gonna talk to the psychologist about it tomorrow when i see her, so hopefully she'll have some advice bout it.
I also gotta see the doc on Monday, and maybe change my meds, coz they dont seem to be doing much atm. The nightmares are gettin heaps bad. I hate going to bed, and put it off as long as i possibly can.
17 days, no cutting! (just...thanx Kelly) YAY for me! :D Hoping for a new record this time.
I think thats about all that has been happening lately.

My mask

My Mask

My identity is hidden
Behind this mask called depression
It clouds up my view,
Causes me to be mistaken

"Who are you?" the ask
As they pull at that mask
"I cant tell you"
I say, wishing the moment would pass

And so I remain
As people point and complain
"We want to know you, we do"
But so scared, my mask i maintain

Death

I found out this morning that the father of some friends of mine died yesterday. I knew this guy pretty well, our families used to visit each other at least once or twice a year. And we knew that his dying was coming, he has been dealing with brain tumors for a while now. I know that he is in heaven, but that dont help his family atm. He has 3 or 4 kids still in primary school, and two of his daughters are getting married in the next couple of months.
I would have been able to deal with this a bit, or at least i think i would have, if it wasnt for the fact that i was already feeling so crappy this morning. I feel like i need to cry, but i dont want to. I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS!
I dont want to cut, but i feel like i need to get it out somehow, and nothing i am writing this morning is making any sense. Bleh

Back home

I was in Dubbo visiting friends for bout 4 days, but now i am back home again :( its kinda sad when u get down about having to go home. But i had fun while i was there :)
Got home yesterday, and dad acted like it was some big effort to even say hello to me, and i had to specifically ask for a hug. that really hurt. A couple of hours later he started talking to me, but only for a few minutes, until brenda said something to him, then i was totally forgotten again :(
I am so bored here. There isnt anyone to talk to for almost all of the day. Hmph.
I think thats all i got to say for now

My first attempt at poetry

Dreams

Dreams of blood,

Dreams of pain,

They fill my sleep each night.

Dreams of fear,

Dreams of death,

They haunt me in no-light.

Dreams of anger,

Dreams of hate,

Why wont the disappear?

Dreams of me,

Dreams so true,

I see them through my mirror


Okay, so as the title would suggest, this was my first attempt. I wrote it at like 4.30am after havin a nightmare.