You Say...
You say you knew something was wrong,
Does being correct help you sleep at night?
You say you knew he wasnt such a nice guy,
So why did you run, when you could've stayed to fight?
You say you knew something wasnt right,
Does that make your silence seem okay?
You say you knew freakish stuff was happening,
So do you feel fine with just staying out of the way?
You say that God can heal all my wounds,
But what do I do with them until then?
You say that it's all going to be alright,
I'm not so sure, and the pain is expressed through my pen.
Over the last few weeks, i have had a few people come up to me and say that they knew some freakish stuff was going on up at Broadwater. The way it was said to me, was as though they thought that telling me that they knew would somehow make up for them not doing anything to protect me or help me.
So basically, this is my complaint about all of that, and trying to figure out how i am thinking atm.
posted by Katie @ Thursday, November 24, 2005
9 Comments:
The thing I think with what happened is that if you go accusing someone of doing what Michael did and it wasn't going on you could ruin that persons life. It doesn't make it better that people didn't stand up for you, and by telling you they won't ease any guilt they are feeling, it might temporarily but it will still be there in the long run. (As long if not longer then you will have to deal with this pain the people that didn't do something will have to deal with their guilt)
I'm not saying that we all shouldn't have done something - we should've fought for you with everything we have but sometimes when it's that serious an accusation if you get it wrong the repercusions are huge, and if it's just a hunch then maybe they couldn't justify possibly ruining an innocent man's life.
Maybe all those people should've asked you if something was going on and then done something, but these are all maybe's and we can't play the maybe game forever. The important thing is that we are here for you now when we understand the situation and we can help you with anything you need, you just have to ask.
*Huggles*
*echoes Zarna*
I wish all that stuff didn't happen Katie, but *sigh, tears*....it did.
God really is going to make it come good though, and help you heal and bring healing to others, as impossible as it seems....but I know how you feel right now, I've been there too - and so has Moses and Joseph and Paul and Rahab and heaps of other people whose lives God used to change the world.
hmm...I was going to show you some of my darker poems but didn't get around to it, so I guess here will have to do :) Umm, hopefully it doesn't make anyone else mad at God....it was just expressing how I felt at the time (about one-and-a-half years ago)....maybe a bit like you feel now, Katie. But I reread this poem (one of many darker poems, maybe medium-darkness) and am stunned at myself and not angry anymore....and yet I still remember how I did feel, and know how much it hurt. So I guess I'm hoping that reading this will encourage you to keep expressing yourself in healthy ways :), and also, that one day you'll be able to look back like me and see your pain and hurt as something that was very real, but thank God, not permanent after all.
So, here goes:
Job and I are good old friends -
we shared a common enemy...
but he and God made up in the end
which I'm not sure will happen with me.
Because it's been so long
to put up with
Your relentless non-intervention.
Stop taunting me with Your words of love,
empty promises of healing, liberation.
I wish You would hurry and
shut the hell up
and get on with some tangible action.
There's no tidy way to end this peace -
my anger remains along with my anguish.
Maybe it's hard for You to understand from eternity...
but each moment I live is absolute agony.
oh yeah, I should add....although it was probably quite rude of me to talk/write to God like that, at least we kept talking. It's way better than the silent treatment, and God lets me apologise later. It really helps open up our relationship, anyway - lots of honesty in the good times and the bad. And after all, if I can't have an honest conversation with God, who else is there?!
So keep talking to him Katie, say whatever you feel....some of the Psalms are just full of complaints to God; he's used to it, he's been listening to us his kids go through stuff THAT long....
I love you!
Thanx Deb *hugz* love u 2
Btw, i can see what ur saying Zarna, but the only prob i have with that is that i have had people say that they knew, and didnt doubt at all that there was abuse going on, and they didnt do anything. if they had just said that they suspected it, i think i prolly woulda been able to handle that better.
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Ooh....I was browsing an old notebook during class today and I found another poem I had forgotten about....so it can be like that was one of the 'before' poems, and now this is the 'after' one.
*clears throat* This poem is called Ex Nihilo, it's Latin for 'out of nothing', and most commonly used as the technical theological term for how God created the universe....out of nothing (gasp!). I'd like to dedicate this poem to Katie, her noes, and all ten of her toes.... May they have a grand after-poem as well :) *
Ex Nihilo
When my hopes, my dreams, my life
seem to have faded to Nothingness
I remember out of nothing You
Created the universe.
Your Light overcame darkness.
When chasing after the wind died down,
I too lay lifeless and limp, breathless.
But what lies and sin suffocated
Your Grace and Truth Liberated:
the entire atmosphere changed, by Your
Spirit's eternally fresh breath of Life.
Babe,
Nothing is gonna change what happened to you and i know how much it hurts. This entry brought me to tears *ssshhh don't tell anyone*
I know that it's not fair and i know how hard it is. When i was 15ish i told my sister what an immediate family member done to me and she said the same had happened to her. i came forward and she backed out. I felt so alone and abandoned. She left her little sister in the middle of this mess and the whole family HATED me soooooo much.
No one came to save me either Kat, but know God CARRIED you through it. You wouldn't he here today if he wasn't looking after you.
You need to let go of the anger though babe because it WON'T help you, it will eat you up inside. It was only once i let go of the anger that i began to move forward.
Ya know i am here always okay!!
((hug))
i know i gotta, but its sooo hard, u know that.
btw, sorry for makin u cry (i hate makin people cry, coz of how much i hate crying)
*hugz* love u
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