I'd been going heaps good yesterday up until then, i didnt go and cut or anythin, but it was still heaps hard not to. But i am up to 45 days, and i AM going to get to 50 days, no matter what else happens.

Edit: I have been asked to delete a large portion of what this entry originally said, therefore this has now become a very short entry.

2nd Verse from Night So Clear - Rookie

I'm floating down a winding path
The feel of peace i try to grasp
The whisper of the rustling trees
The talking of the killer bees
Haunted by a shadow's frame
An emptiness that calls my name
A cliff of daggers draws me neigh
This mirror shows an empty eye

This is very muchly describing my thoughts atm. i lay in bed at night and just wish to find that elusive cliff of daggers. This verse just shows good how empty i have been feeling lately, i feel like i am just a shadow of the real me. i dont know if that makes any sense, but then again, i am good at not making sense.
btw, i would like to point out to people that i am not literally talking about going and finding a heap of daggers to throw myself on.
thats all on this topic, got some more thoughts to do soon though.

So i guess i'd better tell u a bit bout my trip, otherwise u r gonna think that i just went away to write more depressing poems :P
well, once upon a time, there was a girl who said "stuff this i am not gonna write this in fairy tale format." the end!
nah, i will do this properly ;)
the trip down went heaps good, got most of it done on the first day, and only had to do bout 3 hours on the 2nd. Got a bit lost when i got into town, coz i didnt take the exit off the main road that i had been plannin on takin, and got a bit fused. Anyhow, i did end up gettin there (had to ring Lami to get directions), and there were 2 crazy people standin out the front of a house waiting to get me. :P
The two weeks i was there went waaaaay 2 quick! we didnt get into too much mischief, or at least i didnt! seein as i wasnt the one barkin out the window, or tryin to poke some fibre optics thing up someone's nose!
ummm...what else to say...they have thwarted my innocence! i was an innocent little girl til i went there ;)
i have gotten lami hooked on red eye and dare, and discovered that they r even weird than i thought.
Um, yeah, the time was heaps quick, and i miss u both heaps!!
The trip bak pretty bleh, and kinda depressing. i know i had to come home, but i really didnt feel like it. i think in teh first 2 hours of traveling i spent bout 1.5 hours of it cryin :( then had to stop for a sleep. Was a bit better after that though.
Stopped a bit out of Mildura for the night, but the motel room was soooo quiet, it was just depressing me more. so i ended up sleepin with the tv on coz i couldnt handle the silence, and i also wrote one of my poems that night. (the one that starts "all alone once again")
Got bak home early this arvo, and tryin to get used to bein bak here, should be used to it again soon. Was good to see Gemea though. Got big cuddles from her :)
Hopefully will get to go bak down to SA some time in the not too distant future though, coz i does miss u too much! *hugz*

Poem Number 4

I wrote this poem last night when i was in the motel room. In case u cant tell from the poem i was feelin a bit lonely and crappy.

All alone
Once again,
If only this
Could be the end.
Too much noise,
It drives me mad.
Silence only
Makes sure i'm sad.
Tears, they fall,
They wet my cheek.
How long they'll last?
Perhaps all week.
Sleep, oh sleep,
When will you come?
Maybe you will
Once this life is done.

Poem Number 3

This one is only a short one. didnt know what else to add to it

How do i live life effectively
When I dont even wanna be here?
How can i communicate that
To the blind who are near?

This is another poem i wrote when i was in SA.

Thoughts On Death

I wonder what they'd say
If i shot myself in the head.
I wonder if they'd really care
If they found me layin dead.
What would they be thinkin
If they saw me dyin: hung?
Would they just keep walkin on
And say "Oh well, i guess her life is done"?
What would their ideas be
If they noticed blood dripping down?
Would they even think of me
Once my corpse was in the ground?

I wrote 4 poems while i was away, here is the weirdest, and only funny one.

My mind is an empty space,
It's filled with nothing much.
Maybe the mothballs are havin a race,
But the winner got locked in a hutch.
The monkeys inhabit my kneebone,
They swing off arteries and veins.
In my left lung is a caterpillar, living all alone,
And in my right there's a cloud that never rains.
Living in my spleen in an itty bitty fish,
It swins in little circles; round and round and round,
Then is cooked and placed on a dish
And the bones left on the ground.


I'll do the other ones when i get a chance.

Runnin Away

Hey guys, this is prolly gonna be my last blog for a little while, coz i am leavin on thursday, to head down to SA. Anyhow, i'll have my mobile if anyone wants to contact me.
C u in a few weeks.

ok, so i dont know how clear my last blog was, coz i wasnt in a particularly good mood when i wrote it, but my basic message from now on is this: this blog is going to be about my thoughts, and whats been going on for me. If there is stuff on here that u dont wanna know, or that offends you, then i am sorry, but i am sick of hiding what i am thinking and feeling, and now that i have found a way to express it, i am not going to stop it just for the comfort of those reading it.
Anyhow, thats about all i have to say for now, so sorry for anything that u dont like, but this is how it is, on here anyhow.