thoughts on stuff
Now, i know that this entry is going to seem sooooooo random, so i am warning you of that at the start of this.
As most of you know, i dont remember much from up until i was bout 14 years old. Anyhow, i have a vague memory from when i was bout 11 or 12, of me regressing quite a bit, and insisting on using a baby's bottle. As i was thinking about that, it occured to me that that was about the time that the abuse started to get more intsense (or at least from my weird vague memory point of view it did).
i dunno, maybe i have always just been screwed up in the head. Or maybe i was trying to go bak to a time when i felt safe, i got no idea *shrug*
Someone said to me a couple of days ago, that when that happened, they shoulda realised that something wasnt right up at broadwater, i mean, when u got an 11 year old coming down for holidays, and insisting on using a bottle, somethings gotta be up. Apparently someone had said something to dad about it, but he just brushed them off, saying somethin bout it was just a phase i was goin thru. i dunno if he actually believed that, and i dont know that i ever will.
btw, i am not doing this as another "y didnt they do something" post, it is just my random thoughts on this, and trying to figure out my own mind (if thats possible)
posted by Katie @ Sunday, December 18, 2005
3 Comments:
I'd forgotten all about that.
Makes sense that you wanted to feel safe, I've heard that people that are going through or have gone through something traumatic regress to childhood when they felt really safe.
I just thought that it was a phase too. I suppose everything makes more sense in hindsight.
aww *hugs* I remember the bottle thing. I never thought anything of it at the time though....I guess I was just a kid too, but also I think I just loved your randomness and took you as you came....sorry none of us thought deeper.
But thanks for pointing that out, I can be WAY more conscious of what to look out for in my (church) kids and friends and stuff.
I wish I could go in the past and undo everything for you Katsie....but hey, you've survived and you're working through it all and still blessing heaps of people in the meantime - I just want to say how much I admire you! You're my heroine! You take me high!! ;) I love you!
OK I know you said you didn't want to turn this into a why didn't they do something post but I've had a thought - might explain why your dad didn't say anything at the time.
I don't know if you remember - I only know because I overheard my parents talking when all this was going on, but about the same time as the bottle thing, Your dad was on the phone talking to your mum (about school holiday arrangments or something) anyway I think they must have had an argument or something and your dad said something along the lines of "Calm down sweetie" or something like that (probably something he'd said a million times before when they were married and arguing) and anyway Michael overheard or your mum told him and from then on your dad wasn't allowed to talk to your mum - everything had to go through Michael that he had to say to her.
If your dad was concerned about you even if he thought that you just weren't coping with the divorce. If he wanted to ask about your wellbeing he would have had to go through Michael - If he suspected abuse he couldn't well come out and say are you abusing my daughter, if he just thought it was the divorce and asked if you were OK of course Michaels not going to say that he was abusing you and that you weren't doing very well he would just come up with something like you're fine when you are up there it must be something in Parkes.
So maybe he asked & got blown off - or maybe he couldn't ask.
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