How much to say...
I dont know if i can even be honest here anymore, and i hate it. My dad has apparently found out that there are people from church who read this, and he's afraid of what they'll think of him or something, or at least thats how it seems to me. I said to him that i had a heap of thoughts goin round my head, and that i was gonna blog b4 goin to bed, and he started goin on bout how i had to make it a kind one, coz they were talkin bout blogs at some meeting a couple of days ago.
If there is anyone reading this who doesnt want to know what's going on inside my head, then thats fine, thats up to you, just stop reading now. Coz atm, this is one of my main outlets for the thoughts going thru my head as i deal with stuff, and i need to keep writing this.
I cant even remember what it was i was gonna write to start with, but i do know that it was keeping me from my sleep, so i have taken my tablets.
Hold up, cancel that last statement, i have remembered what it was, but i dont know if i can write about it on here, coz i used to feel safe writing stuff on here, and now i dont know how much of it is being spread around the church, how much my dad knows or anythin like that.
Will someone please tell me how i am supposed to get these thoughts out now, i mean, the one way i had that seemed to work has now been taken away from me. How am i supposed to deal with this when i cant get it out.
I dont know what i want people to say, or do, or anythin else, i just want a way to express what i am thinking and feeling without people gettin on my bak about it. Is that too much to ask? i guess so...
posted by Katie @ Sunday, January 29, 2006
3 Comments:
hey beautiful....
I can see your Dad's point - it must be rough on him to know that when he's misunderstood, or even his worst moments may quite well end up on the internet. Imagine how you would feel if he or Brenda vented every frustration they had with you online!! But instead from what I see, they do their best to affirm you in public and keep weaknesses and disagreenments private, which is really considerate and allows you to have relationships with other people that arean't tainted by some preconception of theirs.
I think it's also worthwhile to think about things in terms of honouring your parents, and not slandering leaders in the church and community.
But I can also see your point - it IS hard to find ways to talk about sensitive things sometimes, and it must be frustrating after discovering an outlet, to realise it's not appropriate. Maybe you can have a few friends you can trust to be confidential and give you honest advice, without being judgemental (of either you or them) when you share your perspective on the people in your world - and email or call them, or even you can set up another blog on your account that only approved members have access to.
*hugs* I think I'm gonna call you in a minute though....hope it's not too late in the evening! :)
i know what ur saying there, but its not like i was planning on saying any of that sort of thing on here. I just needed a place where i could get my thoughts out, which were mostly about me anyhow, and i cant even do that, coz everyone is busy thinking about how it will affect them, and it hasnt occured to anyone that maybe it will effect me if i dont get these thoughts out.
i have tried to make my blog a way for me to get out my frustrations in a way that people seem to think is more acceptable, but it seems that no matter what i do, there is something wrong with it. I am sick of it all.
if people can't deal with you & what you have to say then it's their problem. like you said they don't have to read it.
You can always trust me not to mention what I have read on this blog to other people and if you would like me to take the link to your page off mine I have no problem if it will help you be able to vent properly without fear of repurcussions.
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